why am i writing?

am i going to question everything now?

Asking the proper question is the central action of transformation— in fairy tales, in analysis, and in individuation. The key question causes germination of consciousness. The properly shaped question always emanates from an essential curiosity about what stands behind. Questions are the keys that cause the secret doors of the psyche to swing open.

-Clarissa Pinkola Estés, Ph.D.

what is it about questions that trigger tf out of my nerves? for as long as i can remember i’ve been like this and it happens pretty much every day. i remember getting in a huge fight with one of my best friends in 6th grade for asking me too many “annoying” questions in a row. i snapped and told kylie i didn’t want to be her friend anymore. we got over it, i think, but damn 12 year old lexi probably should have just put her AIM away message up instead.

i think my problem with questions had to do with the fact that i didn’t like explaining myself because i didn’t really know how to. i went to a semi-strict religious school but when i wasn’t being told that the boys’ moms were worried about their sons hanging out with me or that i was a smart girl who asks stupid questions i was kind of doing my own thing (which was ironically part of the reason i was considered “threatening” or whatever you wanna call a 15 year old kid living their life. i had a lot of friends that went to different schools, that didn’t have such “worried” parents lol and we all just kind of did what we felt like doing without too much lying and sneaking around. i think what i’m trying to say is i’ve always liked to do what i want without having to explain it to anyone. is it upbringing? DNA? who knows! call me a brat- that’s fine! i’ll be brat ! 💋

BUT

(and just to clarify i am still going to be a brat)

i’ve decided to do A Reframe! do you ever Reframe, sweet anti-reader? i remember early journalism school digging into framing and turns out it works. i don’t think i need to explain the concept to you.

so you know how i’m reading that book i didn’t finish 9 years ago? well when i read the quote at the start of this newsletter the other day something in me shifted. or i decided to shift it? use whatever language is empowering for you. there was a strong shift in the way i think about those once pesky questions. they all of a sudden shifted from this invasive attempt at containment to this necessary component of transformation in my mind. yeah, it was as simple and as revelatory as that.