parable of the noun fearer

and a bonus recipe for you

hi reader! i have a question for you… how do you feel about nouns?

you may or may not know this about me but i’ve always struggled with them. to me, they’ve always felt limiting or restrictive. i’ve denied them for as long as i can remember. even choosing a name is something i find extremely difficult. you may have noticed that here in this newsletter. i’ve written something in my journal about it before. almost a year ago exactly. my spirals are very timely. i’ll share it here:

maybe i just want to marry myself

when i was younger i wanted to be 88 different people living 88 different lives in 88 different places doing all kinds of things loving all kinds of things and even losing all kinds of things and maybe finding them again someday.

how could i ever choose?! so i didn’t. but not choosing is also a choice. not making a decision is it’s own special decision. in my pathetic decay of indecision i seem to have chosen purgatory. purgatory seems easy because there’s nothing to do. but purgatory is for the dead and i’m pretty sure i’m still alive. a child of mother earth, mama gaia, pachamama. supporting me with soil, guiding me with wind, sometimes rushing me with fire, replenishing me with water. anyway, don’t get me wrong i love doing nothing! but the thing about being human is that you’re always forgetting that you’re human. and the other thing about being human is that you’re always forgetting that you are god! amnesiac little things. dreamlike beings, half asleep, blind to our power. yes, we are infinite but our bodies are limited and my body occupies a planet where gravity exists and shit gets heavy when we try to move mountains or climb em or search for little things like answers and purpose.

i know i say it all the time, but everything is a choice and this time i think i’ll choose to leave purgatory because i am, in fact, not dead yet and since i have to live i crave a depth that doing nothing will never afford me… unfortunately! this time i choose the lives. all 88 of them! and however many more i may create in this little mind of mine! yes, imma let em (all) shine. i was never good at staying in one place for too long. silly me. amnesiac human forgetting their power, yet again. but don’t worry, sometimes i come back and right now i remember so i write it down, make a note, because i love you. do you love me too? i want it all! i do.

i choose it all! i do too.

well, i must have fallen back asleep immediately after taking note because i still find myself getting flustered or frustrated (i can’t tell which) when people ask me questions about myself.