on success

and what it means to me

you know what, anti-reader? it’s farrrrr too easy for me to choose not to do something, or to stop doing something, once the subtlest hint of apathy arises in me. WHO really CARES?? i ask myself. no one cares, no one wants to care, we’re all too comfortable to see what’s happening right in front of our eyes! and just like that- i’m paralyzed. by what exactly? my own personal fear of failure. my own not-enough-ness. where are all my self-sabotage girliez at??

these days i’m finding ways to enjoy the process . i’m learning that, for me, recognizing small successes within processes aid in their continuation. coming to the realization that service is the expression of love has also been rockin’ my world. there is no “winning” this Life game. the whole game is to keep on playing but isn’t the point of a game to have fun?

one trick to having fun is freeing the submerged parts of yourself by releasing them from the Chains of Shame so that they may emerge and join you— a whole ass being. once you’ve unlocked your whole avatar, not just the parts you think acceptable, you can play the game better. if you write the story that these things about yourself are “bad” then that’s the story you get to struggle within. how fun!!! you can also write a different story. when i find myself restless or anxious it is usually because i have put myself in a box and if i tear it down enough i find that the tape holding the damn thing together is the status quo. i already know that the status quo isn’t serving my idea of success so once i reach this awareness it is easier for me to pull myself out of said box and light it on fire. i refuse to entertain the systems of a failing world. i float between this space of anarchic arsenal energy and a transcended detachment. injustice lights a fire under my ass to fight, but my energy is limited albeit potent, so i will, naturally, burn out if i let that fire take over my body. i do have some fight in me, though, and am not an ~enlightened being~ so pure detachment doesn’t work for me either.

“ya got moxie, kid!”

“tiny small, but bold”

when i let my frustration get the best of me and allow my hermit-y tendencies take over i create a hole inside of myself that i can end up feeling stuck in. i need the connection, the creation, and the destruction. when i embrace ALL of the parts of me i am better able to set myself up for success. i create boundaries for myself that are built upon my values. i know my tendencies and which areas of life these tendencies can be used as strengths rather than hinderances. they are usually small, attainable shifts. think emergent strategy or atomic habits. the macro is in the micro, you already know.

snail shell on moss

spiral galaxy

it’s difficult to acquire the things you desire in a contracted state. releasing the pressure allows things to flow more easily. the proof is in the puddin paradox.