did someone call material security?

part 1

hiya beautiful Reader! how are you today? what day is it?

i’ve been procrastinating this ritual.. well, wait, that’s not entirely true.. it kind of snuck up on me. the lunar eclipse was SOMETHING. did you see it? didi you FEEL it? i’m on the oaxacan coast right now and the ocean was a wild one. she was making sure that even the skeptics were forced to acknowledge and reckon with cosmic nature. i love anything that bridges gaps, especially the cosmic ← → earth gap. it ain’t that wide, after all.

it’s really windy where i’m sitting right now and i don’t know about you but i love the wind. it gets a bad rap and i suppose i get it… it can be pretty destructive. but so can we! okay, i supose i’ll speak for myself, *SO CAN I! for me, wind is affirming. it sometimes caresses me and other times knocks me down but i choose to believe it’s always taking me where i need to go. when i was a kid i used to be pretty freaked out by tornadoes, but like most of my fears i end up, by choice or by force, making sweet love to them. did that sentence make you uncomfortable? don’t worry, i can handle it (so far, anyway)!! this is the anti-experience, after all! i tend to come out of "trying” situations pretty okay. i must pride myself on having a thick skin or something, why else would i keep adding layers? i’m a sucker for transmutation because, for me, it’s empowering to know that i have full responsibility over my life. that only i can take agency for how i respond to and move through the things that happen for me, even the hard things, ESPECIALLY the hard things. never to me. always for me. hell, why not? if i’m the co-creator of my life why would i use limiting or reductive language to write my stories? i’m not a fan of the victim narrative. characters like harry potter & frodo always irked the shit out of me. i hope you are picking up what i’m putting down.

that said, reader, let’s talk about some hard things ;)

and no, i don’t mean the fun kind, though i do hope this ends up being fun, somehow! i wanna talk securrrrity- material security. i think i’ve wanted to talk about this for a long time but i don’t stumble upon the topic often and i’m not one to ask many unsolicited questions. i’m more of a wait-to-receive-the-invitation kind of person. so now you know that fun fact about me. anyway, i’m analyzing how my relationship to material security is shifting and i can probably thank the eclipse for prompting this analysis. i confuse myself because i used to be someone who could hold on to things and take very good care of them, my mom taught me this. but 6 years ago a shift occurred, i timeline jumped, and chose to become someone who was really good at letting things go, like reaallly letting them go and not being gutted by it. i think, subconsciously, i felt weighed down by my strong ties to nostalgia and sentimentality. by saving things because i “might need them someday”. fear of not having enough in the future had me strategically storing things away like a greedy squirrel. at it’s core, it was clearly a scarcity mindset, which i think is common when you grow up around people who are worried about getting y’alls needs met (rightfully so!). i also had the strange juxtaposition of being around those who didn’t want for anything, who lived superfluously, and though that wasn’t my direct reality i was able to witness it and sometimes even be a token engaged in it. i’m sure that was confusing. as much as i’ve tried to convince myself that it is as easy as deciding to shift from scarcity mindset to abundance mindset like every manifesting influencer living in bali would have me believe, it hasn’t been that simple. some things are embedded a little deeper than that. i think what is more powerful than a simple decision is a deep understanding. so that is what i am hoping to start now, and i wonder if you have any thoughts on the matter, my brilliant anti-Reader?