autumnal shifts
and other observations
last week i sensed the first signs of autumn. sensing autumn has always been a nostalgic experience for me. entering the forest this past week feeling not quite the shift, but more like the breeze
the sensation
the breath
of what’s to come.
it’s mid august and i inhale a subtle crispness in the air, a small and sweet relief from the usual smothering southern humidity.
to me, the First Feelings of Fall have a sort of nervous/excited air about them, perhaps similar to the beginning of a school year or the way fresh, dewy grass takes you back to early morning field sport games or something else you did as a kid, idk. i am always fascinated at how one quick sensory moment can immediately bring us back to such visceral feelings. i am interested in where our bodies store these things. noticing an autumnal essence, the subtlest of changes in light and air, i am transported to past camping trips, hikes, road trips, and other impactful events. i am moved to moments of people, places, and eras that suddenly make them feel alive and present.
spotify once described my aura as chill and wistful and, i mean, that tracks. i love nostalgia! i love sentimentality though Life has always taught me never to cling to it. i try to just appreciate it while i can and let it go when it’s time. it’s chill. chill and wistful lol
but recently The Life Spiral has been whirling a plethora of people from my previous lives, many of which i haven’t seen in about a decade (or more), right back to me. up close and personal ! i began a book that i bought 9 years ago and never finished. i am seeing consistent parallels to another time in my life. it’s always interesting to revisit things from your past as the person you are now. it’s an almost out of body experience though you find yourself getting (wanting to get?) lost in it for some moments. i should probably have more to say about this but frankly the spiral is looping back around strong this time and i am just along for The Ride.
my favorite thing about nostalgia is the way it makes you feel alive. it reminds you of certain feelings that you may have forgotten existed in it’s paradoxical manner of happiness and longing. we may have tucked many things away, seemingly forgotten about them, then bam! one note, one line of a song, a slight relief in the air, a particular scent, a certain flavor and an entire world opens up inside of you as you’re just… unwittingly existing. c’mon, you know what i’m talking about. you feel it right in your chest and stomach, signals of a past life, of memories and lives once forgotten. when nostalgia hits, you get to remember bits of yourself.
nature is always there to remind us. i know, it sounds extremely corny but once you begin to notice it becomes indubitable.
today i sat atop a rock on a river and felt The Wind’s Breath as it brought down a sweet harmony of leaves
falling,
landing delicately on the river as they sang
we’re in preparation, change is a comin’
i took notes.
we are meant to live in tune with Nature’s Cycle, as we are part of it, so i am glad to have shared these notes with you in case you find them useful someday. may you always find peace in transition.
yesterday while reading that old book i came across a passage
the wild nature has a vast integrity to it.
it means to establish territory, to find one’s pack, to be in one’s body with certainty and pride regardless of the body’s gifts and limitations, to speak and act in one’s behalf, to be aware, alert, to draw on the innate feminine powers of intuition and sensing, to come into one’s cycles, to find what one belongs to, to rise with the dignity, to retain as much consciousness as possible.
i bought the book used back in 2013 and the parts in bold were underlined by the previous owner. i pick it back up 9 years later when i suppose i’m finally ready for it.
like some vague, trendy erasure poem i see clearly my To-Do List written in front of me.
message received.
before you go have a look at this fantastic
by artist tj shin
it’s really cool, especially if you wanna stick your hands into the earth, burn your shame, grow new life, and MORE!
accumulate, remember, dismember. repeat. amass, sever, evoke.
more soon…
